Tuesday, April 19, 2011

Cloudy With a Chance of Pain

I'm feeling a bit cloudy today.  Maybe it's because of my root canal yesterday or the weekend with family in Texas, or he-man-hubby being on night shift.  I am definitely a creature of habit.  I work well with routine.  He-man has been a good teacher for me over our 30-something years of marriage.  Spontaneity is his middle name and he likes nothing better than to drop whatever he is doing when someone calls asking him to lend them a hand.  I, on the other hand, pause when this happens.  I have to think about what I have planned for the day and if the caller's request can be worked into my schedule.  How naked I feel in that confession.  For what I like most is to be perfect and not immediately responding to a call for help seems less than perfect to me.


Oh well, revealing my need for consistency was not my intention for today's post.  My thought for today's post was to share my weekend trip to Texas.  I took 70 some pictures of my sister's and brother's-in-law beautiful home and the family they always welcome there.  I had  planned  to use some of those pictures in this morning's blog and then move on with my day of volunteering at Clarehouse.  But something happened to interrupt my routine.  The pictures mistakenly were deleted from my SD card on my camera.  BUMMER GALORE!  Clouds just keep building.

Feeling like I just couldn't get it together, I gave up on blogging and turned to today's meditation in The Book of Awakening by Mark Nepo.   Spontaneously, I share this with you as today's post.(There may be hope for me yet)


Mark writes, "Some days I wake with a cloud around my heart, and it dulls everything except the weight I carry deep inside.  Yet, just because I can't make it to the light today doesn't mean that the light has vanished.  In truth, the heart, like the Earth, is continually blanketed by ever-changing atmospheres that come and go between who we are and how we live our days.

So faith, it seems, can be defined as the effort to believe in light when we're covered by clouds, and though it feels like the sun will never come again, the truth is it has never stopped burning its light. In fact, its heat and warmth is burning steadily, right now, on the far side of whatever cloud we are under.

If we could only suspend our judgment when clouded in the heart.  For many skepticisms are born from conclusions drawn while unable to see, as if any kind of understanding will prevent the clouds from coming or going again and again.

But no cloud lasts forever.  The Earth and all that grows from it knows this well.  So does the heart and everything that grows from it, in spite of all our very understandable pains."

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